


Kamboy

by godhatesyou



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:14:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27762088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godhatesyou/pseuds/godhatesyou
Summary: inspired by the videos by tiktok user @ghostdirktiktok user @panpantravii convinced me to actually write itKankri Vantas has been struggling a bit to pay the bills. He's desperate - meaning he'd take any opportunity for money he can get.Even if that opportunity means shoving aside his dignity and signing up for OnlyFans.
Relationships: Cronus Ampora/Kankri Vantas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 55





	1. 1 || The Reality Of It

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [camboy kanny shitpost thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749557) by [Panpantraviii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panpantraviii/pseuds/Panpantraviii). 



> first fanfic i've written in a while. and also i haven't read homestuck in a while. so basically don't expect too much from me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate myself lol
> 
> check out @ghostdirk on tiktok!! they came up with the idea (curse) of camboy kankri.

Normally, Kankri didn't struggle with bills. He had two dormmates - Mituna Captor and Latula Pyrope - who split the rent (and who he didn't particularly like), and a decently comfortable job. That evened out to a perfectly comfortable way of keeping up with bills, even if his dormmates weren't always the most enjoyable.

That is, until the rent got raised with almost no warning.

Captor and Pyrope, of course, adjusted perfectly to the change. Kankri, on the other hand? Not so much.

Kankri needed an alternative. His first option was to find a higher paying job - that was struck down fairly quickly, as all of the businesses in the area either paid less than his current one or weren't hiring. His second idea was to get a second job on top of the one he had, which was struck down simply because it would be too mentally draining when combined with school and his other responsibilities. Eventually, a choice showed itself, presented in the form of a few pieces of paper taped up against his doorframe. A note from Pyrope.

* * *

h3y h3y h3y vantas! 'tun4 told m3 'bout your f1n4nc14l probl3ms :/// th4t 41n't v3ry cool!

sucks to s4y, but, you'r3 gonn4 h4v3 to f1x th4t! 1f y4 c4n't p4y your sh4r3 of r3nt, m3 4nd 'tun4 r gonn4 h4v3 to k1ck y4 out, 4nd 1 don't w4nn4 do th4t, hon3st!! 'tun4 k1nd4 do3s, but, 1 don't. 

don't tell h1m 1 sugg3st3d th1s, but th3r3 4r3 som3 pr3tty cool s1t3s out th3r3 th4t'll c4tch y4 4 pr3tty p3nny! 4lls y4 gott4 do 1s t4k3 som3 p1cs ;)))

* * *

Kankri sat on his bed for a few minutes, deciphering Pyrope's atrocious handwriting. The other attached sheet, thankfully, was printed, although its contents were much more vulgar. It was a list of websites and apps, along with some (completely unnecessary) photos of barely-clothed people - that was Pyrope's ✨personal flair✨ that she added for the purpose of... actually, what was the purpose? Everything on the front-and-back page was labelled with its purpose, sometimes in... too much detail. 

After about ten minutes of scanning the suggestions, Kankri stood back up, sighing softly to himself. "I can't 6elieve I'm actually c9nsidering this..." he muttered, sitting down and booting up his computer. 

The rest of Kankri's day consisted of him thoroughly researching each of the services on that list, figuring out if he needed a better camera than the webcam he already had, and just generally figuring out what he needed to do for this... new endeavor.

* * *

* * *

* * *

The next morning - a Saturday, so no class - Kankri was woken up very suddenly by the all-too-familiar sound of a cheap skateboard being snapped in half like, well, a wooden board. This was Pyrope's way of showing how angry she was. Of course, it didn't mean much, as she broke (cheap) boards every couple days, but it was still frustrating to clean up after her. 

He groaned softly as he rolled out of bed, his red socks muffling the sound of his footsteps against the hardwood floors. He picked up a random outfit from the (CLEAN) laundry basket on his floor, changing into the red top and black jeans sleepily and then walking out into the living room. He tripped over one of Captor's spare helmets on the way - he had about seven randomly scattered about the house, quote "jv27 1n c453." 

He was immediately assaulted from behind by the same Pyrope who woke him up, half of a red, $12 skateboard repeatedly thwacking him on the head. Of course, she didn't actually hurt him - he barely even felt the cheap thing hitting his head - but he was still ready to spout one of his signature rants about getting too touchy. As he whipped around to start going off on her, a piece of duct tape was slapped over his mouth, effectively silencing him until he could convince himself to painfully tear it off. He still glared angrily at Pyrope, his eyes silently promising a much longer lecture to the red sunglasses later. She giggled like a child and vanished back into her room, presumably to break another skateboard or something. 

Kankri just rolled his eyes and went to make breakfast. 

While he carefully peeled the tape of his mouth - with a few soft curses as he pulled it off the most sensitive part of his lips - he made a plan for his day, like he always did during breakfast. He would go out and buy the camera and other assorted items he'd need for his newest venture. He was incredibly nervous about this, although his specific worries ranged from the money he might get to his peers finding out.

He shoved those worries into the mental box of "worry about it later, not now" and stood up, placing his dishes in the sink. It was Pyrope's job to do the dishes today, or he would've put it in the dishwasher. He returned to his room, pulling on his boots and grabbing his reusable cloth grocery bags. He tried to be sustainable, although he couldn't do very much. 

Now all he had to do was get past his dormmates...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how often ill update this


	2. 2 || So This Is How It Starts

...Which turned out to be easier than he expected.

As expected of late November, the cold had made the inside of Kankri's car practically freezing. He simply rolled down his sleeves and turned on the heat. Along with the reusable bags, he had a face mask - cherry red with white borders. He didn't have any real reason for it, but he liked to be unrecognizable in public. It was especially useful now, because he wouldn't be questioned as to why he was buying a recording setup.

He realized after a few seconds of sitting in the car waiting for it to cool down that he didn't know where he was going. He had a very precise list of what he needed, but he'd neglected to write down where he would get it. Because of this oversight, he had to waste half an hour googling a store that would have what he needed. 

Oops.

After another hour of getting lost and stuck in traffic, he finally found the store he needed. It took no time at all for him to find the exact things he needed - a new lightbulb, a set of those fancy multi-colour LED light strips, and a proper camera. He already had a decent microphone. He had tried to keep the price to a minimum, but it still hurt him mentally. As he was loading the bags into his car, he heard an incredulous voice from behind him, calling his name. 

He recognized the voice immediately, and he really wished he hadn't turned around to check. It was one Cronus Ampora, who had presumably been visiting the next door smoke and vape shop, as he had a white plastic bag in his hands. 

"Hell9, Amp9ra. I see y9u still aren't using the reusable 6ags I lent you. Why is that?"

Vantas responded, shutting his car door. Cronus shrugged, the unlit cigarette in his mouth rolling over to the other side. "Told ya, Kanny, I can't remember those things. You're ovwerestimating howv smart I am." 

"And th9se cigarettes! Y9u're ruining y9ur 69dy with them. I d9n't understand why y9u have them, y9u d9n't even actually sm9ke them."

"I told ya that too, man, that's a wvaste of a perfectly good cig."

Kankri rolled his eyes slightly, walking around to the driver-side door of his car. "Whatever y9u say, Amp9ra. I'm afraid I d9n't have time to talk t9 y9u right now. I'll see y9u later." 

The door was shut before Ampora could get another word in. As he exited the parking lot, he realized something - Cronus had recognized him, even with the mask. It confused him slightly, as nobody else he knew could do that. The thought worried him, but once again he put it out of his mind. 

* * *

Mituna and Latula were absent from the dorm when Kankri returned, which he took as a blessing. With them gone, he could avoid the questions they'd surely have for him - and also avoid the look on Pyrope's face if she recognized the recording equipment. 

He really didn't want them to know why he needed this stuff. 

Setting up the equipment was easier said than done. To say that Vantas was technologically inept would be an understatement. He spent an hour just figuring out how to set up the webcam, which should've been simple. The recording software he had found was simple, though, as was changing the lightbulb in his lamp. The last thing he needed to set up was quite possibly the simplest thing mankind has ever invented - he draped a thick blanket over the edge of his loft bed, creating an enclosed area around his desk. 

Creating an account was a lot easier than Kankri had expected. He had thought there would be a lot more steps, and definitely more verification, but there just... wasn't. Setting up his page, however, took quite a bit longer - he hadn't gotten any better at technology while he was setting up everything else. 

It was about that moment when Kankri realized - nobody knew about this, so nobody would be paying him for this. He had to swallow his pride and advertise somewhere. This would be annoying, sure, but he had plenty of anonymous alts on several social medias. It wouldn't be too hard. Or too embarrassing. 

A few minutes later, he had posted about it on Twitter, Instagram, and even TikTok. He hadn't wanted to include the last app, but that was where he had the biggest following, so... It had to be done. Now, all there was to do was wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not too happy with how this chapter turned out but oh well :oI


	3. 3 || Thank You For Buying

He didn't think anything would happen quickly - sure, he had plenty of people calling themselves simps in his comments, but they were mostly joking, right?

Wrong. 

Within minutes of his posting, he got a notification - 'You have a message from someone.'

"Well, that was fast..." Kankri muttered, pulling up the chat box. The message simply read 'He11o ^-^' 

'Hell9 there.' 

'!'d 1!ke to pav for a verv spec!f!c image from vou'

'What d9 y9u have in mind?'

'wow, verv eager ! see ;)'

And so it went. The person's request was technically SFW - they wanted a few image in specific poses that, while suggestive, weren't explicit.

'oh, and ! want vou to wear something 1!ke th!s !n the p!cs. !'ll pav for the outf!t :) !t doesn't have to be exact, but trv vour best'  
'[TWO IMAGES ATTACHED'

'i can d9 that. it'll take a while to get the cl9thes, though. are y9u 9kay with waiting a few h9urs while i g9 t9 the st9re?'

'absolutely, take your time'

Kankri looked over the images. They were two different people, wearing similar outfits. It took him a moment to realize why the outfits seemed strange... The stranger wanted him to wear skirts.

Oh well. They were cute. He just had to not get found out by anyone he knew. He knew that would be a reoccurring theme with this secrecy. That was fine by him - he was plenty good at hiding things if he needed too.

Kankri stepped away from his desk, making sure to not pull the blanket screen down as he exited from under the loft. As he stepped out of his room, he once again tripped over Mituna's stray helmet, this time completely face-planting into the hardwood. He swore loudly, sitting up. He had bit his tongue fairly hard when he fell, and the taste of copper filled his mouth. He spat it into a paper towel and threw the towel away in the kitchen trash. The mask would hid the bruise that was starting to form on his nose. 

This was the second shopping trip today. Thankfully, it was later in the afternoon this time, and so his car was cool and didn't boil him alive as he got in. The comforting anonymity of the mask covered his face before he even started the car. He wasn't taking any chances of getting recognized, not now. 

This car ride was shorter. There was an Old Navy only a few blocks away, and he knew for a fact that it had the clothes he needed there. He got a few questioning stares, being a guy in the women's section, but hopefully the other shoppers just thought he was getting clothes for a friend, or maybe a family member. 

The specific outfit wanted wasn't too simple, but it was cute. A maroon pleated skirt that fell to about his mid-shins, a long-sleeved black crop top, fishnets covering his hands, legs, and stomach. A pair of cat ears and tail were the only things that stuck out. He had a budget, of course, but the person buying these had a very generous price tag. He was able to get everything perfectly fine.

When he got back to his dorm, he realized that Pyrope and Captor had gotten back from their date. Lovely. Latula would definitely figure out what was in the bags, even if she had to physically hurt Kankri to get at it. And if Latula knew, Mituna would know, and then half the university would know. Well, there was one more thing that would embarrass him daily.

To exactly nobody’s surprise, the bags were snatched out of his hands as soon as he had closed the door behind him. “Pyr9pe! Give that 6ack immediately. Y9u d9 not have permissi9n t9 6e l99king thr9ugh my things!” He protested, but it was too late. She had already bounced over to the dining room table and started laying things out. 

“K4nny!!!! Wh4t’s 4ll th1s for, dud3?” She questioned, having laid out all of the items. Kankri blushed, his face turning almost an identical colour to his mask. 

“Th-that is n9ne 9f y9ur 6usiness, Pyr9pe. St9p that!” He jumped back as the ears were pushed towards him, not wanting to be touched. Of course, it didn’t work, and he ended up with the headband lopsided on his head. He sighed heavily, correcting their placement and starting to pick up his things. 

“H9nestly, Pyr9pe, I d9n’t understand why y9u’re s9 excited, it’s just s9me cl9thes.”

“Oh com3 on K4nny! You know why 1’m 3xc1t3d!! You got 4 cut3 f1t! C’mon, you *h4v3* to show me how 1t looks on you.”

“I will 6e d9ing n9 such thing.”

Latula pouted, crossing her arms. It was clear she was disappointed, but he was firm in his decision. He returned to his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He had purchased three extra locks for this door, of three different types, knowing that Pyrope would absolutely be trying to pick them open at every possible opportunity. He quickly changed into the new outfit, pulling off tags as he went. The skirt fit snug to his waist, but the crop top fell a lot looser over his thin frame. Using a trick he’d learned from theater, he pulled on skin-colour tights under the fishnets, completely masking the fact that he hadn’t shaved in a while. He added maroon knee-high socks over the fishnets, in order to hide where they ended at his ankles. Finally, he clipped the thick tail to the back belt loop on his skirt, and fixed the ears in place with a pair of bobby pins. He had pulled his thick hair into a small ponytail earlier, to keep it out of his face, but after looking in the mirror he decided to keep it that way. He felt surprisingly confident like this, even though it would be incredibly embarrassing if he were to go out wearing it.

At least the new LED lights would make the pictures look cool. And he could take a few extras to show people for free, to get them interested or something. 

* * *

It only took him a few minutes to take the pictures, but he spent quite a bit longer uploading them to his computer and editing them. The person had offered to pay $7 for each photo, and had asked for 10 specific poses. Well, at least they knew what they wanted. 

'Hell9 again. I have taken the ph9t9s y9u wanted. is this satisfact9ry?'  
[10 PPV IMAGES ATTACHED]

It took a few minutes for the person to respond, but the images were opened and paid for almost immediately. When they did, their response was simple. 

'thank vou, th!s was exactly what ! wanted :)'

'I'm glad I c9uld 6e 9f service. And, thank y9u f9r 6uying. ^-^'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am i doing this


	4. 4 || The Christmas Filler Episode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> christmas filler episode while i figure out what sort of plot i want this to have if any,,, XP
> 
> yes i know christmas was four days ago. yes i know it's short. i was tired

November went by quickly, and also fairly decently in terms of money. A few new posts and a "sneak peek" on his Twitter alt had brought him up to speed on bills that month. 

December 20th - the day Kankri always bought presents - rolled around quickly, and for once he had the funds to get something a bit more extravagant for his friends. He never ordered online, it was too slow; instead he just found things in local shops.

And so he found himself, sitting in a car in the middle of a parking lot, going over a list of presents and friends. The list was very neat, and his handwriting was neat and angular. He also had a list of stores he needed to visit to find said presents.

He pulled his red scarf closer to his neck, adjusted the ear straps on his mask, and stepped out of the car. The wind immediately hit him in the face, a painful change from the warmth of his car. Thankfully, he'd managed to get a spot close to the store, and he was inside quickly, back in a warm space. This first stop was Nordstrom, to get a leather jacket for Ampora. He'd never admit it, but the one he had was falling apart. He also picked up a jade-green scarf for Maryam, as it was her favourite colour. 

The next stop was a family friend's house. He had commissioned a custom skateboard for Pyrope, and he didn't want to leave it sitting on somebody's wall for any longer than he had to. From the pictures he'd seen, it looked incredible, but it was pre-wrapped when he picked it up, so he just had to hope it lived up to what he'd seen. His final stop was just Target, where he picked up a wide assortment of Squishmallows - a bee for Captor, a dragon for Pyrope, a shark for Captor, a fish for Peixes, a cat for Leijon, etc. etc. He also picked up boxes, tissue paper, and all the other things he needed for wrapping the presents.

There was a lot more traffic now that it was later in the day, and the drive home was longer than he'd liked; by the time he got back, Pyrope was already back from work. He knew that she would want to see what he had, so he rearranged the items in the bags so that the actual presents were hidden.

"OOOOOO, K4nny, wh4t'v3 you got th1s t1m3?" Her voice rang out from the other bedroom, just as he was about to enter his room. He immediately dashed into his room and slammed the door shut, pressing his back against it just as she slammed into the wood. "This time it is _secret,_ Pyr9pe! Leave me al9ne s9 that I can wrap these!" The pressure against the other side of the door vanished, although Kankri could still picture Pyrope's face on the other side as she responded.

"S3cr3ts 4r3n't v3ry fun, K4nny! But ok. I gu3ss 1'll w41t th1s t1m3. Buzzk1ll..." Her voice faded as she walked away, and Kankri stopped leaning against the door to lock it properly. He sat down on the floor and began to wrap.

* * *

Christmas Day came quickly. Like always, Kankri's friend group gathered in his dorm, and the small assortment of presents under his tree grew until one could barely step in that quarter of the room without kicking one. Ampora, Peixes, and Meulin were easily the loudest in the group. To Kankri's dismay, Ampora had brought a cooler full of various alcoholic drinks, which were immediately confiscated. 

Presents were opened slowly, and the array of boxes soon became one giant mess of wrapping foil, tissue paper, and torn-open boxes. Ampora got into the alcohol somehow, despite it being locked in Kankri's room, and soon half the attendees were drunk. It was morning again before Kankri could shepherd them out of his dorm, and he hadn't even gotten to sleep because of taking care of his less-sober classmates. 

He had sat down on the couch for a few minutes while picking up the desiccated carcasses of presents - Pyrope and Captor refused to help - and before he knew it, it was the next day. He barely even realized how tired he'd been. 

At least next month would be quiet - he didn't have a single class before 9 AM, and his dormmates were taking a "class trip" to Germany for the first two weeks. 

He'd be all alone. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in a while, i've been a bit distracted irl, what with finals and xmas and whatnot, plus a general lack of motivation to write. i'll try to update a tad bit more regularly from now on, but no promises xoxo
> 
> follow my tiktok @kkarkatvantass  
> i dont post. follow me anyway i want clout


End file.
